


Hiraeth

by Bunny7799



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Crossover, Ed Swears, Ed and Al go to UA, Ed is generally bad at making friends, LOOKING AT YOU ED, Panic Attacks, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Stuff happens, a lot of "oh shit" moments have been planned, but dont worry, heroes are nosy af, kind of a canon divergence, unhealthily internalizing all your problems, yes thats the plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2019-10-20 06:16:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17617073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bunny7799/pseuds/Bunny7799
Summary: Hiraeth,Edward reads,a homesickness for a home you can't return to, or never was.Slowly, he blinks at the word he's stumbled across -- the word that so thoroughly describes his life. It's ironic that he's only finding this word now, late at night after he's just woken up from one of his more morbid nightmares.-In which Edward and Alphonse go to Musutafu, Japan, against their wills --Note that they meet some very interesting people.





	1. Genesis

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The (Quirkless) Alchemist](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14193621) by [alice_cavallary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alice_cavallary/pseuds/alice_cavallary). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is there a problem, Fullmetal?" Bradley asks him, a threatening glint in his one eye. His shoulders are lax, confident and almost taunting. He's taunting  _him._
> 
>  
> 
> _Yes, there's a big fucking problem and it's you._
> 
>  
> 
> Edward will never let this go.  _Never._ He swears, he's castrate this man and he'll bring Ling back. He  _will._

He can't believe it, that's all he can think.

He can't believe the Fuhrer, the leader of Amestris, is...

Is  _this._

Edward holds his transfer letter in his hands, familiar anger boiling inside of him as he stands before King Bradley. Wrath.

"Is there a problem, Fullmetal?" Bradley asks him, a threatening glint in his one eye. His shoulders are lax, confident and almost taunting. He's taunting  _him._

_Yes, there's a big fucking problem and it's you._

Edward will never let this go.  _Never._ He swears, he's castrate this man and he'll bring Ling back. He  _will._

"No, sir. No problems at all." Edward lies, seething through his teeth. His malevolence is near damn palpable, but he won't -- can't -- act on his feelings. Not the way he usually does. Winry's well being is on the line, and he hates feeling so out of control. He's sure his brother, who stands behind him, with that little girl hiding in his armor must feel the same way.

"Good. For reasons you are aware of, Winry Rockbell will be unable to accompany you. I'm afraid you will need to find a replacement in Musutafu should you need repairs, though I'm sure that won't be a problem. Musutafu's technology is far more advanced than this country's. Amestris is rather outdated, really."

Edward grits his teeth and glances at Mustang from the corner of his eye. The colonel's mouth is set in a grim line.

"Your train will be leaving in a few hours, I believe." Bradley says. 

Mustang stares at him, worry creasing his face. Edward tries to communicate with his eyes that he'll be fine, he always is. All he can hope is that Mustang will be the same.

Edward turns to the Fuhrer (even if he may not be the Fuhrer in his eyes). "So, when will I be back?"

"Your leave will be indefinite. The finer details are in the letter in your hands. I hope you remember what exactly is on the line and that you are not to speak of your circumstances, Fullmetal.

Edward nods with steely, hate filled eyes, because he hates this man. He loathes him.

"Good, good," the Fuhrer says, a faked polite smile on his lips. "You are dismissed."

.

.

.

Edward and Alphonse do all that they can before they leave on that train, because they have no idea when they'll be back. They pack up, they visit Elicia and Gracia, they visit Hughes Maes' grave, they visit their friends from Xing, they call Winry, just to make sure that she's alright. 

Too quickly, they need to leave on their train. 

Edward has only heard stories of Musutafu and its famous school of 'heroes,' the one that the Fuhrer has detailed he be sent to attend (Edward doesn't understand why, he is _not_ a child). Japan and Amestris aren't really on friendly terms and the constant wars in Amestris generally scares visitors away. Likewise, the extremely strict border rules about alchemy keep Amestrians from going to visit Japan.

As a result, Amestris is outdated. Edward has no idea by how much.

"Brother, what are heroes?" Alphonse asks him as the train bumps along roughly.

Edward answers without looking at him, "They're regular people who pretend they're more than what they are."

He's going to go to a school for heroes, under the excuse that he's undercover to help the staff at U.A. catch a band of criminals targeting their students. Edward thinks they must be desperate to go to Amestris for help. If he's not mistaken, horrible rumors about Amestris float and circulate around in Japan often. He's pretty sure that the only reason Edward and Alphonse are being allowed to cross the border is because of Edward's status as the 'Hero of the People.'

He'll find out just what it's like when he gets there. For now, he just needs to pretend he isn't worried about anything at all -- not about Winry, not about Mustang and his team, not about the Hugheses, not about Ling (Greed?), not about the people from Xing, and not about what Father is scheming.

Edward rubs his face. He can feel the blood and gore of the day still caking his skin, despite having taken a shower.

"I think you should sleep, brother. You were complaining earlier about being stuck in Gluttony's stomach for so long without food or sleep. You can get one of those things you need right now."

It's a brutal reminder that Alphonse needs neither of those things. The sudden guilt he feels only serves to make his exhaustion that much more prominent.

"You're right," Edward says, conceding easily, he hides his guilt because he knows that it's guilt that his brother doesn't want him to feel. He really is tired. "I'll sleep then. Wake me up when we get there."

"Alright, I know." His brother's metallic voice says. "Sleep. Now."

"Okay, okay. Pushy much."

He goes out like a light, the train bumping along steadily to their destination.

.

.

.

Aizawa watches as the train finally arrives. He feels vaguely like he's in a movie that was made in the 1900's. Uneasily, he stands up and walks to where he was told to wait for a large suit of armor and a short golden haired boy.

.

.

.

"Aizawa-sensei isn't here today?" Uraraka asks, confused as she stares at the short mouse like creature standing in Aizawa's place as their temporary homeroom teacher.

"He's only barely recovered, and he's on a mission?" Tsuyu sounds faintly dismayed. 

"He is," Nedzu confirms, his paws behind his back. "But rest assured, he is on a safe, no combat mission."

"In fact, he is picking up a transfer student from Amestris."

The class displays varying levels of shock. U.A. rarely accepts transfer students in the middle of the year -- but a transfer student from  _Amestris_ of all places is unheard of.

"Amestris? You don't mean..." Midoriya mutters quietly.

"Yes, Amestris. Some of you might know of it due to the infamous rumors. It has the highest percentage of alchemists in the world, the lowest percentage of people with quirks, and seems to constantly be at war with itself."

Midoriya hears Uraraka give a gasp, she murmurs that living in a place with constant wars must be horrible. He doesn't think she's wrong.

Some in the class question what the hell an 'alchemist' is upon hearing the word. Midoriya only has a vague idea of what one is, there aren't many books about it.

At first, when he'd heard of alchemy, it had sparked a little hope that he might be able to learn it and become a hero still. 

He'd underestimated how complex alchemy was. He had tried researching still, of course, but there just weren't enough books about it. Not enough about it at all, not even on the internet -- since Amestris didn't  _have_ an internet at all for people to use and share with.

"The new transfer student will be quirkless," Nedzu says, briefly giving the class another shock, "but you all will find that he is an extremely skilled alchemist. I expect you all to welcome him tomorrow, even if he haven't faced the same hardships as you." Nedzu gives a smile. As always, it looks strange due to his animal face.

.

.

.

Edward and Alphonse step off the train. The steady ground settles his insides after being on the train for such a long time.

"Are you two Edward and Alphonse Elric?" A shaggy man asks the moment they're off. His eyes are tired and red, that's what Edward notes first. He's different from the regular people surrounding them, like a foreigner.

"Yeah, and you are?" Edward asks cautiously, as they move away from the exit of the train so that others can get out.

"Eraserhead. I believe you both know this already," Aizawa answers. "I'm your escort."

Edward accepts the fact easily, as does Alphonse. "Alright then. Where to now, escort?" The three of the walk side by side.

"That letter didn't also inform you I'll be your homeroom teacher at U.A., did it?" Aizawa asks the brothers.

"It did," a metallic voice answers him.

Aizawa just sighs, it seems he has two more problem children to deal with now. At this rate, he might just die of stress and exhaustion.


	2. Small Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He quickly realizes that the entry door is huge for a reason upon laying his eyes upon the strangest sentient cement block he's ever seen.
> 
> His first impression is basically "What the hell."
> 
>  
> 
> Edward, unfortunately, says it out loud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what. Whenever I type "Momo" I'm literally so afraid I'm going to make a typo and not notice. So there's just a sentence sitting there and in place of "Momo" it just says "Mom"
> 
> Kids, this is why you don't name characters "Momo" when you expect you'll have to type that name multiple times.

For the record, Momo doesn't know a single unbiased piece of information about Amestris.

She sees things on the internet, but most websites she visits just tell what a horrible place it is, and of the oppressive military. It's all the same information everywhere.

Truth be told, she's been trying to find out more about alchemy for the last half hour or so. All she comes up with are dead ends.

Momo sighs in defeat and leans back in her chair, staring at her computer screen.

Is alchemy really such a horrible science that teaching it, is forbidden in Japan?

.

.

.

The Sports Festival is approaching, Shinsou thinks to himself numbly. _This is his chance._  

 _This_ is his ticket into getting into the hero program.

He'll win.

He'll get into the hero course.

He'll become a hero.

He  _will_ be recognized as a hero.

Shinsou plans to prove all those people in his childhood wrong about him and his 'evil' quirk, because he's not evil. Maybe his quirk is scary, maybe his eyes are cold -- but he's not a villain and he will never become one.

_Never._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh.

 

 

 

He's so tired of this bullshit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He grips the edge of a sink in the U.A. bathroom as he stares himself in the face. The dark circles under his eyes only serve to remind him how crappy he feels.

 _I'll feel better once I'm a hero,_ Shinsou tells himself, though he knows it's flawed and wishful thinking.  _Then, I can rest a little._

.

.

.

The journey from Amestris to Japan is a long one, but Edward isn't going to complain.

The Fuhrer can go fuck himself, something this small won't bother Edward. 

_Look on the bright side. Maybe Japan has something that could help Al get his body back._

On another bright side, Japan really  _is_ amazing. Edward can't help looking at everything, everywhere. Their escort looks bemused, but Edward can't bring himself to care very much.

Alphonse is very much the same.

Edward kind of wishes Winry were with them, he's sure that she would appreciate the technology just as much -- if not more.

When the three of them arrive at 'U.A.' they find it's nothing like what they imagined.

The building is huge and modern looking, like the rest of Japan. It's both intimidating and inspiring, somehow. Edward finds himself gaping at the behemoth of a structure, he's sure Alphonse would be gaping too if he had a regular jaw.

"Welcome to U.A." Aizawa says, in his usual bland tone. Edward finds that it doesn't quite match the grandeur of the building.

He leads him and his brother in through the large entrance.

"I'm going to introduce you to the staff now, some of them will be your teachers." He informs him, in that same monotonous voice. "We'll go over more details in the meeting."

"Got it."

The three of them approach an impractically huge door (though in hindsight, Edward probably shouldn't have assumed the architects of the building to be inadequate).

He quickly realizes that the entry door is huge for a reason upon laying his eyes upon the strangest sentient cement block he's ever seen.

His first impression is basically "What the hell."

 

Edward, unfortunately, says it out loud.

Fortunately though, he finds that the staff of U.A. are much more lenient than the military higher ups. 

"Edward Elric and Alphonse Elric, is it? I can't say 'what the hell' seems to be the reaction we were looking for when you arrived," one of the staff says, with a shocked kind of amusement. It's another tired looking man -- Edward notes that there seem to be a lot of tired adults -- he has a bedraggled appearance accompanied by bright yellow hair.

Alphonse smacks his shoulder lightly, before he indignantly whispers, "Brother! Don't be rude, I don't want their first impression of  _us_ to be 'what the hell'!"

His brother has never been the best at whispering -- but at least his words break the ice a little.

A strange mouse-like creature appears suddenly, and Edward only notices once it's right in front of him, thanks to the creature's height. He's sure that if Izumi were there, she'd be smacking him for letting his guard down.

His first thought when he spots the thing, is that it's some kind of chimera, like Nina, which horrifies him for a split second.

"Hello," it says though, utterly unbothered. "My name is Nedzu."

Edward can't help pointing at it and hoarsely stating, "It talks."

 

 

Faintly, he hears his brother muttering something like "Rude big brother. Where did all his manners go?"

.

.

.

Quickly, they get over introductions in order to get to what they really need to talk about.

"As you both already know, we have been looking for help to catch a band of criminals. Villains who are targeting students of this school. Edward will be posing as quirkless transfer student from Amestris who is an alchemist."

"I know you two likely work better together, but Alphonse is too young to attend, so you will be in the targeted class on your own, Edward. We've rented you an apartment near this school, so you won't need to worry about expenses." Nedzu hands him a package. "This contains your apartment keys, your room number, the address, and everything else."

They talk to the two brothers about what to expect from the school, who the enemies are, and what they're up against.

By the end of it all, Edward has a pretty good idea of what they're getting into. He's a little put out by the fact that Alphonse won't be able to join him, but there's no helping it. Besides, it would lower the chances of anyone finding out about Alphonse's body (or rather, a lack of one), so Edward supposes it's better for the long run.

Class-1A so far doesn't seem like the most experienced nor brave bunch he's met, so he can't set his expectations too high. He only has himself, Alphonse and Winry to go off of -- Edward doubts most people his age have had experiences even close to his own or even Winry's. Edward also really doubts many of them are child prodigies, not that he's bragging.

"You two need to remember though, teaching alchemy here is prohibited," Nedzu warns them.

"We know that," Edward says confidently, "we'd make horrible teachers anyway. Don't worry."

.

.

.

So, the next day, after everything is a little more settled -- he steels himself and he walks to the door to Class-1A's homeroom with his expectations bar set low. He waits for Aizawa's cue silently.

The uniform is horribly stuffy, it's almost worse than the military uniforms, but Edward sucks up any complaints he has. His stay is indefinite, so it's best he gets used to being uncomfortable. His tie is on a little crooked thanks to his clumsy automail right arm, but there's no way in hell he'll be accepting anyone's attempts to fix his tie anytime soon.

Alphonse is back at their apartment. As much as they both hate being apart, Alphonse can't follow him to school. So there he stands, alone, feeling a little small.

It's been a long time since he attended school, after all.

It's been a long time since he was a child.

Aizawa's cue comes when a slightly muted "Come in and introduce yourself," reaches his ears.

Edward, again, steels himself (quietly, he realizes the irony when he remembers half of his limbs are made of steel). He steps through the doorway and walks up to the front of the class.

It's a room full of oddballs.

As soon as he thinks that though, he spots a baby-like kid sitting in a desk, with purple balls for hair.

"Hi. I'm the new transfer student, Edward Elric. Nice to meet you all," is what he chooses to blandly state, before his thoughts can run away from him.

A strange silence permeates the air -- like no one quite knows what to do next.

Or at least it does, until the kid with the most stupid purple balls for a haircut snorts, and obnoxiously says, "He's  _short," --_ as if he's not short himself.

At those two words, Edward's face twitches, and the entire class starts to feel the animosity seeping from him, like a choking purple fog.

"What the  _hell_ did you just call me _you microscopic shrimp-sized, piece of shit --"_ He hisses. The piece of shit leans back, looking like someone who just found out that the thing they had been poking, in fact, had been a bear.

Before his insults can get worse, Aizawa interrupts with a tired sigh and a suggestion, like he's used to dealing with troublesome children. "Tell the class a little bit about yourself."

Edward tries not to twitch at the word 'little,' and he doesn't quite succeed, though most of the animosity dissipates and leaves the room.

Edward doesn't really know what he can tell Class 1-A that isn't totally depressing or sensitive information, and he's pretty sure that isn't a good sign. He's a slightly surprised he's only realizing this now.

Thankfully, a strangely pink colored girl takes charge and asks him a question, so he doesn't have to think up something on his own. "Do you have any hobbies?"

...

On second thought, Edward isn't totally sure this is a question he's thankful for. 

He wracks his brain for a few seconds, trying to think of a hobby -- something he likes to do in his nonexistent free time, maybe even something he liked doing as a child.

The class stares at him a little blankly, waiting for his answer. It's obvious they don't think it's the hardest question to answer.

Finally, after awkwardly standing there, searching his mind for a worryingly long time for something as small as a fucking hobby, he answers. "I guess I do sparring."

It's really more of a life or death thing than a hobby. If he gets out of shape and forgets how to fight -- he dies. Can he really call it a hobby?

Surprisingly, someone who would look relatively normal if not for the tail, pipes up. "I do too!"

_Small talk, Ed. Small talk. How the hell do I... --_

"Really Ojiro? So that's why your hero costume is what it is!" A floating uniform replies.

Sheepishly, Ojiro rubs his necks. "Yeah. I'm just really used to wearing that while fighting."

Edward awkwardly pulls his gloves on tighter.

"Elric, your seat is the empty one at the back," Aizawa tells him, heaving a sigh.

"Thanks, Aizawa-sensei," he says gratefully, feeling awfully out of place.

He walks in between the rows to his spot in the back, and he ignores the burning red eyes that follow him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didja guys understand the title? :D


	3. The Depravity of School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Present Mic sighs when he spots him, "Elric, I understand you're already fluent in English, but you could at least try to seem interested..." 
> 
>  _Fluent in English?_ Izuku can't help thinking, before he once again remembers that Elric is from Amestris.
> 
> Elric only shrugs in his direction as he picks his bag up, "Imagine you're in your fifties, and you get put in a class full of kindergartners attempting to count to ten," is what he says simply. Not a twitch in his expression. "Feel bored yet?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that I don't really have a set student schedule for the kids, so I'm just making it up as I go along.

Edward had forgotten how utterly  _mind-numbingly boring_ school was over his time away from it.

Foregoing note taking (do such a thing, and he might just get a brain aneurysm from how dull it is), he instead surveys the class. To his right is a girl with the spikiest ponytail he's ever seen, diligently taking notes. He's noticed her stealing glances at him, but it's to be expected, considering he's a new student.

To his front, is the purple midget who called him 'short.'

Just thinking about it makes Edward want to strangle him, but he's trying to hold back from making such a violent first impression. He'd like people to think he has at least a smidgen of self control, since his status as an Amestrian likely will make people want to stereotype him (more than they already have).

In the meantime, Edward searches for a way to escape the classroom. He thinks back to what he used to do, back when he still attended school (a time his mother had still been with them) to get out of doing work. 

It's English class, so Edward could probably get away with just not being in the class, since he already knows how to speak English from being in Amestris (it's the country's second language, after all). 

So, as their English teacher (Present Mic, he recalls), hands out bundles of paper with short stories in them, he asks to be excused from the class.

Present Mic, ever the kind teacher, allows him to leave. 

Edward walks right out of the class and he shuts the door behind him, breathing out as he sees the empty and quiet halls. It's a relief, being outside of the class (though he can still hear Present Mic talking, he won't deny it). 

Still, he thinks, 

_Freedom, fucking finally._

Maybe he can get away with just --

Not being in class for the rest of the blocks?

It's not like he's going to have trouble with math or science, thanks to his skill in alchemy. He might have to study socials or history things, but Edward doubts he'll have trouble with anything else other than art. Thanks to his automail, he'll have to do everything with his left hand -- and he's not left handed.

 _It's fine,_ he thinks though,  _my right arm for Al._

_Al can't write at all, I'm not allowed to complain about this._

Edward wanders down the halls aimlessly. His automail limbs faintly clanking, imperceptible to most people.

Sitting still for long periods of time without doing anything productive isn't really something he likes doing, mostly because it feels like each second he spends not doing something, it feels like he's depraving his little brother of his own body.

With that though, Edward abruptly remembers something. He stops in his tracks in the middle of the hallway.

His automail.  _His automail._

And all he can think is --

_Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit_

_I forgot about the oil stains!_

The school uniform is fucking  _light grey,_ if his automail leaks enough oil, Edward is  _fucked._

_It's literally my first day. Fuck._

Quickly, as he stands in the hallway, he checks over his automail limbs. Thankfully, no oil stains have shown up, but Edward isn't sure how much longer his clothes will stay oil free on the outside.

The whole reason he wears black all the time is to hide if there are any stains.

Maybe Edward can do something to his clothes, like waterproofing it on the inside? Edward breathes out a calming breath and tries not to think about what would have happened, had he not remembered at all.

.

.

.

Katsuki tries not to think about the new transfer student, and he utterly fails. 

Edward Elric, quirkless and an alchemist from a warring country. He does martial arts, but there's not much else that Katsuki knows about him. Elric's eyes are fierce and sharp, and he hasn't seen him smile a single time.

He's strong, Katsuki knows it. 

There's no proof that says he's weak in any way, and Katsuki feels --

He feels...

 

 

 

Whatever his abilities are, Katsuki _will_ beat him.

...He won't _(can't)_ be bested.

.

.

.

Edward breathes out slightly once he's in the clear. He stares at his artificial hand for a moment, a memory of Winry crossing his mind briefly before he's stuffing his hands into his usual white gloves.

As expected, when he looks into the bathroom mirror, his eyes are underlined with purple. Edward has found that, though he sleeps, they never go away. At this point, feeling tired is a constant in his life, so he supposes he should just bear with it.

 _It won't be this way forever,_ Edward tells himself quietly though, staring into his own golden eyes in the mirror.  _Once I get Al's body back, I'll be able to rest._

Until then, he'll need to keep working.

 

Working to get his little brother's body back, to return Ling to Lanfan, to deal with the affair with Mustang and his crew, to get Hughes the justice he deserves, to protect Winry, to --

To --

...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...

 

Edward kind of wants to cry, not that he'll ever say that out loud.

_I think I hate this school already._

.

.

.

Elric just barely makes it back to English class before it ends, though Izuku doesn't see the point of doing such a thing, considering the class is over.

Present Mic sighs when he spots him, "Elric, I understand you're already fluent in English, but you could at least try to seem interested..." 

 _Fluent in English?_ Izuku can't help thinking, before he once again remembers that Elric is from Amestris.

Elric only shrugs in his direction as he picks his bag up, "Imagine you're in your fifties, and you get put in a class full of kindergartners attempting to count to ten," is what he says simply. Not a twitch in his expression. "Feel bored yet?"

The kids who overhear him laugh a little. Who knew the kid who doesn't seem to smile had a sense of humor? Izuku supposes he should be offended that Class 1-A just got compared to a class of kindergartners, despite what they've been through, but he's strangely not.

Izuku continues to pack up his notes and supplies, right until a certain someone starts to move from the corner of his eye.

He looks up and sees Katsuki, glowering as he approaches Elric, no doubt about to declare war. 

Elric fearlessly meets Katsuki's red eyes, like he's faced more terrifying things in his life, "Need something?"

Izuku has a split second to be astonished at Elric, before Katsuki speaks.

"You're an alchemist, right?" His voice is almost threatening. "I don't know what the hell that is, but I'm going to fucking win. You won't beat me."

Elric's golden eyes narrow cautiously. If he feels threatened at all, he doesn't show it. "We'll see about that."

Katsuki sneers, his eyes are dark. He turns away and stalks out of the class, leaving the room tense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I read somewhere the other day that Edward wears black clothes all the time because black hides any oil stains from his automail the best.
> 
> Also --  
> hint hint  
> I foreshadowed some stuff to do with Ed's potential friends :D:D


	4. Daymare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Yeah. This chapter really kind of fought me, but I hope it turned out okay anyway, lol.

It's been a long time since Edward has been in school.

And he has no one to eat lunch with.

Which kind of sucks.

Edward wanders off the school grounds, and he finds a quiet place full of grass at the back of the school. It's shady, so if he ever takes off his gloves, his automail won't glint in the sunlight. 

Conveniently enough, there're a few trees as well. 

He chooses the sturdiest looking one, and his five minute nap ends up turning into a thirty minute one.

.

.

.

It's not anything new.

It really isn't.

Edward's been through this before, he's seen it all before.

He doesn't understand why Nina still bothers him so much, because it really shouldn't at this point. His inability to cope and stop reacting is becoming a liability, and he doesn't  _need_ a liability. His brother doesn't, Mustang and his crew don't, Winry doesn't, Ling doesn't.

Edward rubs his throbbing and sore back, the spot where he landed especially hard upon his fall from the tree he had been sleeping in in particular.

He walks slowly, not bothering to rush when he has nearly ten whole minutes to get to his next class -- hero training class -- apparently the most eventful of all subjects. And also the class in which he's in the most danger of blowing his cover.

He thinks back to the blond one with red eyes.

_'You won't beat me.'_

His voice echoes in his mind faintly, along with the tense atmosphere that had been left afterwards. He's sure that the blond one has a history, and he's sure it can't be a good one.

The changing rooms and stalls are mostly empty, so he grabs his 'hero costume' and puts it on, taking care not to get his automail caught in the fabric. 

It's not a costume, not really. Edward's just used to his regular red coat and black everything else. Even though Amestris is filled with some horrible memories among other things, it's still his home country. He almost misses it.

.

.

.

Class 1-A quickly gathers on the field outside. The weather is cold, the kind of cold that cuts right through your skin, and Edward can say confidently that his stumps are going to be in pain later today.

Judging by the grey clouds clogging the sky, it's going to rain as well. He just hopes he won't be outside when it starts.

The yellow haired staff member he'd met the other day has a bright, almost blinding smile slapped on his face. Edward swears he can see his reflection in his teeth.

"Hello Class 1-A!" He says over the wind. "Today, since we have a new student in our midst, I thought this to be a perfect opportunity for a different exercise than the usual!"

Another yellow haired kid mutters something along the lines of "All Might-sensei...there  _is_ no usual when it comes to this class..."

"We've hired a special instructor just for today," he says, "she'll be explaining the rest of what's happening today!"

A teacher appears, and everyone wordlessly makes way for her to stand in the middle of them. Edward stands in the ring of students, making a point to not stand too close to a certain glowering red-eyed blond.

"I've heard a lot about this class, and I'm thrilled to be working with you all," she says politely. She has the same hairstyle as Hawkeye, is what he notices quickly. 

She explains they'll be doing a team building game as they (thankfully) walk into a concrete building to avoid the rain. Edward is shocked to see there are entire fake cities, solely for training new heroes. It's not something he understands, and not something he expects to understand anytime soon.

"We'll be doing something a little more... mental today."

"As heroes, you can bet you'll be facing villains who try to get under your skin. They're going to do all they can to catch you off guard, and often times, they'll have quirks to help them do just that."

She leads them all to an open space, and something in Edward flips out a little at her next words.

"My quirk lets me manifest something my opponent is afraid of, so today you'll all be getting a shot at beating up your worst fears."

A grin spreads on her face.

"Who's up first?"

...

Nobody steps up to take the challenge. Not even Katsuki, to Izuku's surprise.

"Of course no one wants to beat up their worst fears! Who am I kidding?" The guest teacher laughs.

The class shifts slightly, and Elric recedes a little, like he doesn't want to be seen. His hair and golden eyes don't help him in the endeavor.

"How about this? Since none of you seem very willing at all, I'll pick!"

"Oh. Well. Crap," he hears Uraraka say from beside him. Izuku can't help but think the same.

"Note that I'll know if you're lying, so tell me the truth and this'll be quick and painless!" The teacher says.

.

.

.

It seems she's picking the most shy ones first, Edward notices.

The fears range from 'I'm afraid of insects' to 'I'm afraid of losing control of my quirk and attacking my friends,' which Edward finds mildly disturbing. 

Scratch that,  _Japan in general_ is disturbing -- not that Amestris is any better. Edward's just used to the Amestrian brand of disturbing.

"I can still hear the insects crawling everywhere. Oh god, I'm never gonna be able to forget," someone mutters. "And Tokoyami's quirk is really strong, but it's really scary, isn't it?"

It's someone invisible who says it, strangely enough. Edward thinks her name is Hagakure.

He shifts in his spot a little.

...

Edwarddoesn't want to do this --

But does he really have a say?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Hey, you, the kid who keeps creeping further backwards -- you're up next."

Elric freezes, like a child caught doing graffiti. He pretends he doesn't hear her and creeps backward a little more.

Izuku wonders what he could be afraid of.

"Stop trying to disappear, I can see you, you know," she says, looking exasperated. "You're the new kid, aren't you?"

At that moment, the entirety of class 1-A turns to Elric. Izuku sees him mouth the English word "Shit."

When Elric still doesn't come out, the teacher sighs and goes right to him. She practically drags Elric into the open space, and Izuku swears she says "Holy crap, this is one heavy kid."

Elric makes to run off, but she grabs his bright red hood before he can do so.

Again, she huffs. 

As she's done with every kid in the class, she whispers her name in his ear to fulfill one of the requirements of her quirk.

"Now tell me what you're afraid of."

Elric's eyes dart around the room, like he's making an escape plan. 

"If you're this scared of whatever you're scared about, isn't that more of a reason to get this over with?"

The golden eyed boy seems to stop and consider her words. To Izuku (and everyone else's surprise), Elric stops looking for someway to escape -- though he still looks more than reluctant.

"What's your name?" The guest teacher asks.

Elric's voice answers slowly, "Edward Elric."

"What are you afraid of?"

He thinks, for several moments. 

The golden eyed boy stares into the ground.

Izuku half thinks that he's just trying to delay facing whatever it is he's so reluctant to face.

The thing he'd rather run away from.

...

Several more moments pass, and their guest teacher begins to grow worried.

Elric's face seems to become pale, and his expression grows more reluctant than ever.

"I can't manifest anything if I don't know what I'm looking for in your head," she states. "If it helps, I can ask you questions to help you out?"

Elric nods mutely, but he doesn't look up.

"...Is it insects?"

He shakes his head.

"The dark?"

He shakes his head again, though slower.

"Is it a physical fear at all?"

Elric hesitates, before he says he doesn't know.

After that, the guest teacher starts talking more quietly. Izuku can barely hear a thing, and it seems that Jirou has her ears plugged to give them privacy.

Suddenly, she places her hand on Elric's head and pulls his fear right out of it, the way she had done with Kouda and Tokoyami.

Izuku watches as the concrete walls surrounding them all, become charcoal black with darkness. A sliver of light shines though, coming from two double doors that hadn't been there before. There, in the middle of the room, is a large circle. Strange symbols line it.

It's incredibly vivid, like it's something that Elric has really experienced. A real memory, and it's obvious that the golden haired boy in the middle of it all remembers it well.

.

.

.

Katsuki watches everyone get swallowed in the darkness, save the spotlight on Elric and the strange circle painting the entire floor in its expanse.

This is his opponent's worst fear, his opponent's weakness.

...

A man comes into view, a sick smile on his face. Though light glints off of his glasses, Katsuki can still see his cold eyes.

"Look there," the man says to a dog. It does as commanded, and it turns its head. "Listen to me. That person is Edward."

At that moment, another Elric manifests -- though younger, and with someone in a large suit of armor.

Katsuki doesn't see how this could possibly be Elric's worst fear. 

"...Ed...ward...?" The dog speaks, disjointed. Its voice is strangely double toned.

Katsuki feels confusion welling inside of him. The manifestation is so realistic that he can't see how it could be a piece of fabricated imagination -- so how is the dog speaking?

The bird's manifestation had been dark, but not realistic. Faces were strangely blurred, the way faces tend to be in dreams. Elric's was undeniably  _real._

 _This is real,_ Katsuki thinks to himself, something in his chest jumping.

The man with cold eyes praises the dog, smile widening, "Yes. Well done."

At that moment, the younger Elric's voice sounds. "Amazing! It really does talk!"

The real Elric shuffles back a little, apprehensive.

"I won't have to lose my state certification... thank god," the man says. "I've made it in time for the inspection."

The fake Elric crouches down. He stares at the dog as it repeats his name, like its in a trance. 

 

"Ed...ward.

 

 

Ed....ward."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"...Big...brother."

.

.

.

Edward feels his stomach twist into knots for the second time in less than an hour. He can recall his words on that day almost exactly -- Tucker's words as well. He, once again, thinks about why he's here in the first place.

 

His other self asks Tucker how long ago he got his state certification.

"Lets see... two years ago."

He asks when his wife left.

"Two years ago."

 

...

_"Where did Nina and Alexander go?"_

 

.

.

.

The younger Elric's eyes become terribly cold at his last question, but the eyes of the man, Tucker, scare Momo more.

"I hate kids like you, quick to catch on."

The real Elric looks as though he wants to look away, but can't, as the fake Elric crashes into Tucker and puts him in a choke hold against the wall.

"Yeah, that's it, alright!" The manifested copy of Elric all but screams. "You went and did it!"

"Two years ago, it was your wife."

"And this time, you used your  _own daughter_ and a dog to transmute a chimera!"

Momo can't help the gasp that leaves her. Transmute a chimera... with a living girl and dog? She doesn't want to believe this is real and quickly, she realizes -- this is the reason why teaching alchemy is illegal in Japan.

"There are limits to what you can do with animal experimentation, after all!" Edward all but screams. _"It's much easier to just use humans, huh?"_

Several of her classmates cringe back.

"What are you getting upset over? Mankind's progress has been the result of countless human experiments, right? If you're a scientist then --"

"SCREW YOU! Do you think you can get away with something like this? Toying around with a person's life like this?!"

A deranged smile appears on Tucker's face. "A person's life? Yes. A person's life indeed."

What sickens Momo the most, is the fact that Tucker knows just what he's done. He knows  _exactly_ what he's doing, and yet he's doing it anyway. Momo hates the fact that he's human.

"Fullmetal Alchemist," Tucker continues, "your arm and leg, and your brother --  _that_ was also the result of toying with a person's life, as you say, right?!"

 _...Arm and leg?_ Momo thinks. There don't seem to be any problems with Elric's limbs, but Momo has never seen his brother. She can't help wondering what it could be.

"NO!" Elric denies, his fist flies into Tucker's cheek.

She flinches at the sound of Tucker's glasses falling to the ground and shattering.

_"We're the same, you and me!"_

 "No we aren't!"

"Yes we are! The possibility was right in front of us, so we tried it! Even though we knew that it was taboo!!"

When Momo looks to the real Elric, his face is awfully pale, and she knows for sure then.

Elric and that man are nothing alike.

Heavy punches hit Tucker repeatedly, and cracking sounds echo through the room. Blood flies from Tucker's face, and Momo thinks of how hard he must be hitting -- how angry he must have been. It makes her heart twist.

"No! I don't..."

"Alchemists don't...!"

"Do this sort of..."

The younger Elric's voice cracks, broken.

"I'm not...  _I'm not..."_

Momo almost wishes she could comfort Elric, though she barely knows him. She has no idea what he's done, and she doesn't have any idea who he is -- but she wishes he could see how different he and that man are.

"Brother!" An armored hand holds the manifested Elric back. "Any more, and he's going to die!"

The scene is a gruesome one. Blood is splattered on fake Elric's cheeks, like some kind of macabre painting. His limbs strain, fists tightening -- but he freezes when the dog moves, like he'd forgotten about its presence.

"Dad," it says. 

"Are you hurt?"

"Dad, are you hurt?"

The real Elric is paper white and he shuffles back more. Something like shame -- regret? -- darkens his face. Any sort of resolution to face his fear is gone from his expression. 

The slow backwards shuffling turns into a full blown sprint as he runs. The life-like memory shatters like rice paper thin glass as soon as he's gone. Their teacher doesn't make to chase after him, and Momo can't help wondering why.

Should  _she_ go after him? What could she do, anyway? What would she say? 

She doesn't understand what Elric is going through, but she wishes she could help somehow. 

.

.

.

Their teacher instructs them not to pursue him, to leave him be and give him some space. Of course, many in the class are reluctant. 

The class continues on.

.

.

.

 


	5. "Fine"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hitoshi stares at the blond haired kid. He doesn't know what to do with his hands.
> 
> He should use his quirk and brainwash him into going to the infirmary -- really, the boy doesn't seem willing to go on his own. 
> 
> Only... Hitoshi's a selfish sonovabitch. He doesn't want this kid's first impression (whoever he is) of him, to be that of a terrifying, manipulative villain. Plus, Hitoshi doesn't know how someone having an attack would react to suddenly not being control of their own body.
> 
> "What kind of hero would leave someone having a panic attack alone in a hallway?" He retorts.
> 
> _It shouldn't be too difficult to convince him to go -- right? It's just an infirmary with an old lady in it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess what
> 
> warning: math done in this note, proceed with caution. skip this note completely if you're allergic to math, wouldn't wanna traumatize anyone--
> 
> the past four chapters have been counted to be 6843 words by ao3.
> 
> and it took me around 4 months or, in other words, something like 120 days for that much to get finished and published.
> 
> so then i divided 6843 by 120 to get the average of how many words i wrote each day for this fic.
> 
> i got roughly 57 words per day written.
> 
> my average sentence length is like 13 or 14 words i think, so that wouldve been.  
> 4-ish sentences a day?
> 
> wowzers i write at the speed of.  
> a damn gorilla.  
> i just don't write
> 
>  
> 
> alright no more math blurting i'M ON SUMMER VACTION NOW.
> 
> on another note, have fun reading this chapter lol

The air is biting and cold, clawing at him with frostbitten fingers. 

Nina's -- not Nina  _that thing wasn't Nina, not Alexander --_ voice echoes hollowly in his mind, just the way he remembers it had, back when he'd first heard 'big brother' from that abomination's mouth.

Edward can't help thinking the sky is awfully reminiscent of the day he and Alphonse had been attacked by Scar for the first time. 

It had been raining, then. 

He bites the inside of his cheek, the tightness in his chest feeling suffocating. His limbs feel heavy, but he runs anyway. Metallic clanks echo in his ears alongside the other voice in his mind.

Edward doesn't keep up his speed for long at all, his lungs feel like popped, deflated basketballs.

His heart races like he just ran a marathon instead of the short sprint he'd actually done. He's out of breath, and he really shouldn't be, he hasn't been running long at all --

\-- His head spins, pressure builds around his eyes.

Edward suddenly really really wishes Al were with him. He squeezes his eyes shut, hoping it might ease the tension, but it doesn't. If anything, the tension gets worse. His legs collapse beneath him in tremors.

Tremors.

He's shaking.

_Fuck._

_This is exactly why people treat you like a goddamn child._

_Fuck,_ Edward thinks again, trying to stand up again. It takes much more effort than it should.

His legs wobble, like a toddler's. Shuddering breaths force themselves out of his mouth.

Somehow, he manages to get into U.A. without falling once -- it's pure luck that he doesn't get caught in the rain. He'd be in a lot more pain if he had been.

The hallways are thankfully empty and mostly devoid of sound. The  _th-thump_ of his heart drowns out anything too faint and blends in with the pitter pattering of the rain.

His limbs ache with an old and familiar pain.

Edward walks along the right side of the hall, using the walls to keep himself steady. His own breathing is loud, but the frantic beats of his heart are louder --

"Uh," a voice says. Someone tall rounds the corner -- or maybe they've been standing there the entire time, watching Edward. It's a miracle Edward even manages to register the person as someone tall with how his vision can't seem to stop  _spinning --_ "are you... okay?"

Edward blinks, tries to swallow so that he can respond with an 'I'm fine,' but he's breathing too fast to even consider talking. His lungs strain, he hopes he's not asphyxiating.

"Never mind. That was a dumb question," the stranger seems weirdly used to not getting any responses to his questions. "I'll take you to Recovery Girl."

He tries to talk again, managing more than shallow breaths this time.

"I'm not... going... to the... the fucking nurse..." He wheezes more than he talks.

Edward isn't planning on going to the infirmary, really. He just. Needs a little time. He's not going to some infirmary for something like this.

"Are you injured?" Edward thinks the stranger sounds concerned.

"No."

"You're having a panic attack."

Edward gives a short laugh,  _"No._ I'm...  _fine."_

His chest is painfully tight, it's like a nail is being driven through his sternum. He kind of wants to cry, but God knows he cries enough.

"That's clearly not true. You could really use the infirmary," the stranger says.

"Listen...  _I'm fine..._ so you can... leave me... alone."

.

.

.

Hitoshi stares at the blond haired kid. He doesn't know what to do with his hands.

He should use his quirk and brainwash him into going to the infirmary -- really, the boy doesn't seem willing to go on his own. 

Only... Hitoshi's a selfish sonovabitch. He doesn't want this kid's first impression (whoever he is) of him, to be that of a terrifying, manipulative villain. Plus, Hitoshi doesn't know how someone having an attack would react to suddenly not being control of their own body.

"What kind of hero would leave someone having a panic attack alone in a hallway?" He retorts.

_It shouldn't be too difficult to convince him to go -- right? It's just an infirmary with an old lady in it._

The kid starts leaning on the wall even more heavily. Hitoshi swears his skin gets several shades paler.

"Hey," he starts, and Hitoshi crosses his arms because he doesn't know what else to do with them, "if you collapse on me, I'm taking that as permission to drag you to the infirmary."

"God... why the hell... are you... so stubborn?..." The kid asks him, breathing labored breaths.

"What. _You're_ the stubborn one here."

He shuts his eyes tight, his expression pained. Hitoshi watches the blond haired stranger slide down the wall several inches.

"Are you... _sure_ you're not injured?"

No response.

His mind starts running -- what if the kid really  _is_ injured, despite having said he isn't? He's a student, since only students and staff are allowed to be in U.A., and he's  _clearly_ not a teacher. He's not wearing the U.A. uniform, not the gym uniform... 

It registers in Hitoshi's mind that he's part of the hero course.

There's a momentary flash of envy, before he's again, worrying about the hero course student before him, who could potentially have been injured in a training exercise --

But a hero course teacher wouldn't just leave an injured student to their own devices... right?

_I don't get nearly enough sleep to deal with this crap._

He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, before he decides --  _fuck it._

"You're coming to the infirmary with me."

The hero course student breathes like he can't get enough air in his lungs, Hitoshi thinks he might not even be exhaling.

"Uh. You're breathing kinda fast, you think you could try and... slow it down a little?"

There's no sign that he even hears him.

_What the hell am I even supposed to do when something like this happens?_

He slides the whole way down the wall, all the way until he's on the floor, looking incredibly ill.

"Fuck," the hero course kid says, quietly enough that Hitoshi almost doesn't catch it.

"You're worrying me here. Seriously, infirmary?"

 _"Fine,"_ he grits out.

Hitoshi isn't sure whether the kid means to say he's fine, or if he's finally giving in and agreeing to go to the infirmary -- but Hitoshi takes it to be the latter.

He helps him up, putting his left arm over his shoulder. Hitoshi decides the kid is heavier than he seems.

A lot heavier.

.

.

.

His stumps hurt like hell.

His heart is racing like it had back when he'd been with Ling in Gluttony's stomach, trying to fight with Envy's giant form, covered head to toe with tacky red blood --  _useless useless useless, you'll get them all killed one day because you can't fucking focus and fight._

_Ling._

A failure. Edward's a failure.

Save Ling?

What the hell is he saying, making promises he knows he can't ever keep? Why do they trust him?

He's going to die before he makes shit right, he's scared. Edward's fucking  _terrified._

What if he dies in this godforsaken country, in a  _hero school_ of all things? He can't die, it's not an option, he needs to keep his promises -- get his little brother's body back --

"Hey, what's your name?" The stranger asks him, as he all but carries him.

He has to take a moment to think through the haze and get his breathing under control so he can at least respond.

"Edward..." he sounds pathetic -- tremors line his voice, "Elric."

"Nice to meet you," whoever it is helping him, says. "I'm Shinsou Hitoshi."

.

.

.

The infirmary is a welcome sight to Hitoshi's aching back.

He's assaulted with bright, pristine white walls, floors, beds and really everything when he steps in.

Recovery Girl's eyes widen a little when she sees Hitoshi and the golden haired boy he's carrying, but she shows no other signs of surprise. 

"I see the boy you are carrying is Mr. Edward Elric?"

Hitoshi only nods.

"I'm afraid I don't know  _your_ name, young man."

"Shinsou Hitoshi, from the General Department."

Recovery Girl hums, then directs him to sit Elric down on one of the white beds.

Elric looks to be in a sorry state. He's shivering, as if he isn't in the infirmary, but outside in the freezing rain. His head is hanging, silent apart from the harsh breathing (though Hitoshi thinks it's somewhat calmer).

"Can you tell me what happened, Elric?" Recovery Girl asks him.

Elric visibly swallows before he answers. "Hero training today, not anything physical. I'm alright."

Recovery Girl's forehead wrinkles a little at that. When she sees Elric clench his teeth, her forehead wrinkles even more.

"You're obviously in pain, young man."

No, it's not really very obvious at all. Hitoshi thinks her ability to spot when people are in pain are probably from all her years working as a doctor, in the kind of environment people get hurt in everyday.

Elric stubbornly doesn't respond to Recovery Girl's statement.

...

The boy continues to refuse to tell her the source of his pain. Chiyo has no idea why someone would  _choose_ to be in pain, when all they need to do is tell her to get rid of it.

She sighs.

"I'll tell All Might where you've gone so that he knows where you are, alright? Shinsou, you can go back to your class. It wouldn't be good for you to miss too much."

The boy nods and goes to leave, but not before worriedly glancing at the hero student in her infirmary. 

He seems about to say something, before he thinks better of it and turns away, about to leave without another word.

"--Thanks, Shinsou." Elric says though, almost like it's an afterthought, lifting his head a little.

Shinsou looks surprised at his words, but he still responds, though it's without turning to fully face the golden haired boy.

"You were heavy as fu--" the boy glances at her, "--udge. I'm not about to do that again anytime soon, but. I guess you're welcome."

With that, Shinsou leaves, the sound of his footsteps retreating further away.

As she had said she would do, she calls All Might to inform him of the boy in her infirmary. His voice is lined with poorly concealed relief after he finds out. Chiyo asks him if he's injured, and All Might answers with a resounding no -- 

"No, but... I believe he may have trauma. And not of the physical kind. You're aware that he's the transfer student from Amestris, yes?"

"Yes. The undercover one who's meant to help protect Class 1-A."

All Might explains to her the training exercise they were doing, and the incident that led to Elric deserting the class. He doesn't skimp on any details in the effort to make Chiyo understand.

"And what do you make of him?" She asks him.

"He's... enigmatic. I haven't seen him smile a single time. The class seems curious about him."

Chiyo pauses to think.

"Alright," she decides to say. "I'll help him in any way I can, but don't get your hopes up too much. He won't make bonds with any of the children if he doesn't want to."

"I understand," All Might says, his voice resigned.

With a short farewell, Chiyo puts the phone down to attend to the student still in her infirmary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't help switching POVs like, every five seconds.   
> Damn.  
> I also can't make myself write "Elric Edward" (in the order of last name to first name) like I'm supposed to in Japan. It feels too weirD.  
> But then I go and write "Bakugou Katsuki," because I can't make myself write "Katsuki Bakugou" cuz that feels even weirder.
> 
> D a m n .


	6. Close to the Chest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He stalls for several seconds more, several precious seconds, because soon he'll be revealing another secret he doesn't want to let go of. A secret he wishes to keep close to the chest, but can't.
> 
> He opens his mouth and says it as loud as he dares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't end up writing as much as I envisioned during summer break... oop
> 
> Since today was the first day of grade 9 for me, I thought, "hey why not post today."   
> If your first day was today too, my condolences. Totally understand (unless you're one of those people who missed school and anticipated it all summer... then no, I don't understand).   
> Getting out of bed this morning was so stupidly difficult I was thinking of skipping but yknow, I'd get a lecture for even considering it... so I went anyway. It was a sports day too.
> 
> r e g r e t .
> 
> BUT. I hope you enjoy the chapter anyway :)

The squat hero that Edward knows to be Recovery Girl returns from her phone call, presumably with All Might. She stops right in front of him.

"I heard about what happened from your teacher," she says.

"Then you'd know I don't have any injuries," He responds. His voice seems unbearably quiet, but he can't bring himself to raise it to it's usual volume. Especially when he's only barely keeping his voice from shaking, like the rest of his body.

"And your arm and leg?" Recovery Girl questions.

 _They hurt,_ Edward wants to say --  _wishes_ he could say,  _it hurts so much._

 

"It's... not exactly something you can fix." Edward tells her instead.

Recovery Girl stares at him. If he looks hard enough, he can spot the puzzlement on her face.

_They all know now because I wasn't careful enough._

_What the hell was I expecting, letting that teacher broadcast a memory? My whole life's a fucking shit show._

"Let me be the judge of that," she says, though not unkindly. "Let me take a look."

Edward knows when something isn't a request, he can tell when someone isn't about to back off. Edward can tell someone who's plain nosy apart from someone genuinely compassionate.

He also knows he can't let his secret see the light of day.

"Is doctor-patient confidentiality a thing here, in Japan?" He sits on his hands, hoping to hide the tremors.

Recovery Girl gives him an appraising look. "Yes, it is."

"Then you'll... keep this under wraps unless you have absolutely no other choice?"

"Yes, that's correct."

Edward hopes the fear he's feeling inside isn't showing on his face.

He stalls for several seconds more, several precious seconds, because soon he'll be revealing another secret he doesn't want to let go of. A secret he wishes to keep close to the chest, but can't.

He opens his mouth and says it as loud as he dares.

"I don't have them. My arm and leg."

...

Her first reaction is disbelief.

Chiyo stares at him -- or more precisely, his limbs.

"All four of your limbs seem perfectly functional, Elric."

"That's because I have a good mechanic," the boy says.

_Mechanic?_

Chiyo catches what he's implying quickly enough.

"Mechanic? Meaning... you have prosthetic limbs." She digests the information, morbidly wonders how he lost them in the first place.

Wonders how much pain this boy has gone through, when he's only as old as the children in Class 1-A. She suppresses the shiver of horror that runs down her spine.

_'No, but... I believe he may have trauma. And not of the physical kind.'_

All Might's voice echoes in her mind.

"It's your choice, should you wish to continue hiding it," she says. She doesn't ask him to show her proof, as much as she may want to. It's her job, as a doctor, to help her patients as much as she can -- not to intrude when she doesn't need to.

"Prosthetics definitely aren't as advanced here, compared to your country." Chiyo tells him. "It could lead to an awful amount of questioning from news reporters as well. As a prominent hero school, we aren't exactly on the down low."

Keeping his secret a secret won't be easy, is what she's saying. The golden haired boy gets it.

"Yeah. Thanks for the forewarning," he says.

Chiyo purses her lips. "My question is, are they causing you pain?"

Elric's gaze flickers to her face and back to the floor.

"I can handle it."

"You shouldn't have to."

Elric is quiet for several moments.

She starts thinking again. Thinks about this boy's similarities with Bakugou, from Class 1-A. For all that Bakugou yells and rages, there's insecurity, deep inside. An inability to accept help, for fear of appearing weak. 

"I can give you pain medication, to ease any discomfort," Chiyo offers.

Elric doesn't look up.

"I... appreciate that you want to help --"

The boy -- and Elric is just that, a boy,  _a child --_ stands up. She watches him wobble on his feet.

 _He's just a child,_ her mind whispers. She tries not to let it show on her face, but isn't sure she succeeded in doing so, when Elric turns to her.

"-- But I don't need it," is what he says.

He looks away and walks a few steps, towards the infirmary door.

"...Thanks though."

He pushes the door open and he leaves, a limp in his steps.

.

.

.

_God, it has to be this country's weather._

His stumps haven't hurt this much since he was eleven and fresh out of the automail operating room.

While his heart isn't jumping out of his chest, there's a certain discomfort still lingering from his  ~~panic attack.~~ It certainly isn't helping his mind stay grounded.

Edward takes one look at the sprawling hallways and groans.

Though he tries to ignore the throbbing aching pain, it doesn't change the fact that it's there. 

He doesn't think he could handle going back to class, especially with the rain. With that thought in mind, Edward decides he better do at least  _one_ thing on his never ending list.

.

.

.

"I ain't afraid of anything, quit insisting I am," Katsuki growls.

A large chunk of the class has gone already, Izuku thinks around half. Among them being, Koda, Tokoyami, Aoyama, Ashido, Tsuyu, Iida, Kaminari, Jiro, Hagakure, Sato.

All of them have standard fears -- fears that most people have.

Insects, the dark, dying family members, dying friends, disappointing others, failing an exam, getting lost, being alone, being forgotten...

They're all lucky that nothing is too graphic. The most graphic being Elric's, a no brainer with it seeming like a real memory. 

It's rather morbid to think that something real, managed to trump most of their imaginary fears.

...

This time, Katsuki is up.

Izuku can't imagine him being afraid of anything --

But Izuku knows that Katsuki's only human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Chiyo doesn't realize that Ed isn't taking the pain medication, literally because she looks at him like a kid. 
> 
> :'D
> 
> (I decided this chapter's been held back long enough. I planned to add more, since it's a little short, but words weren't really coming, so... yeah. Slight cliffhanger, lol.)

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to comment down below! :D  
> I have self encouragement problems, so it really helps, lol.


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